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Emily
xonceinadream
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Emily [userpic]

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Note that fanfiction is no longer being posted on livejournal. It is all on my other fanfiction accounts and in one place on my fanfiction page on tumblr.

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last updated: may 27, 2019

Emily [userpic]

Hi. This is me waving sheepishly.

It's been a long time since I've been here. I don't expect people to remember me except for the way that I was constantly dipping on my responsibilities when I was given them when I was around a few years ago. It happened over and over again. There's really no way for me to say that I'm sorry enough. I don't even really have the excuse of young age.

Although there's no excuse I'd like to take a moment and try to explain myself at least a little. This is hard for me to admit but I feel like I owe some people an explanation. A real one. Not something that I lied about.

I know I had talked about some of the troubles that I was having but when I was nearly 18, my mother lost her job and we were basically homeless and she was in a legal battle with her former company. They had accused her of stealing money from the company. It took about 10 years before the warrant for her arrest was dropped because it was never pursued and when it was finally dropped, the judge basically laughed in my mom's old companies face. But when we moved, we moved across four states. And my mother couldn't find a job. Partly because of her disability (a very bad back - she's had multiple surgeries since then) and partly because of the warrant.

So we battled homelessness. We stayed at family friends' homes. We stayed months on an air mattress in my aunt's living room. We couch-surfed and did what we could to keep our head above water. I worked as much as I could to support us. There were times that things were going good. I was supporting us and at those points I would take on a massive amount of responsibilities online because it's what I like to do. I enjoyed the land communities and writing fests and everything I joined.

Then things would take a downturn. I wouldn't make as much money at work. We'd have to move again. Things constantly came up. At those points, we would move again. Sometimes to a different couch. Sometimes back to that air mattress, cramming way too many people in a three-bedroom house.

This isn't something that's easy for me to admit. At the time, barely out of my teen years, the idea of telling people that I was homeless made me want to wither up and die.

I dropped out of school because of my depression and anxiety when I was 17. I was convinced my teachers hated me and nobody noticed until it was too late. I eventually ended up getting my GED but trying to support a family of four (me, my brother, my mom and my sister) without even a high school degree is basically impossible. My siblings were still too young with work and my mother's never been responsible with money anyway.

Sometimes we'd get a place only to be evicted within a few months.

It's been a few years but telling this story still makes me sick to my stomach, a ball of shame welling in it. Not just for being homeless but because I know that I left a lot of things that I should've done. I took over fests and activities and so many other things and then another eviction notice would be placed on my door and I wasn't sure what to say. I couldn't tell people that I was homeless. I couldn't. So I just left. I'd come back, make up an excuse about a family emergency or internet troubles or whatever the excuse and try to pretend that I was like everybody else.

I still feel the effects and it's still sometimes a waterfall. Sometimes I still feel like things aren't going well. But things are. They have been for a while. I'm on the path of starting to try for a baby. I've been promoted multiple times at my workplace. I have money to put into savings which is a crazy concept to me. I still feel cheap, though. I still look at food sometimes and wonder whether I should save that for later.

This isn't something that I'm saying to get a response. But I suppose I'm saying that I finally feel okay saying it. I was homeless for a while and that's, perhaps not normal, but something that happens.

I've gone back and made private all of my writing just because it's been so long. They're still available on my fanfiction.net and ao3 if you're interested (I'd strongly recommend newer things because the older stuff is nagl). But I'd really like to get back into writing and challenging myself and having fun. I'm sorry for what's been done in the past. But I can tell you, I'm a whole new person now.

Emily [userpic]



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Emily [userpic]



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Emily [userpic]

20 icons for a special round at couples20in20 (icon any couple from your fandom).



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Emily [userpic]

20(+ 4 alternates) of Selena Gomez & Demi Lovato for brunette_20in20



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Emily [userpic]

20 Emma Swan/Neal Cassidy|Baelfire Icons for couples20in20.
My first 20 in 20 and I wouldn't begin to imagine myself as talented as some people at iconing but I had fun and am practicing new techniques so yay for that.

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